Gigi, Relationships

“Love In the Time of F — boys” Part I: How to Spot a F —boy


How provocative of me! But, unfortunately for many girls out there, this is actually a very relevant topic.
I only heard the term “F—- boy” a few months ago. I was casually scrolling through IG when one of the bloggers I followed posted a pic of her giving “the finger” to “F— boys”.
Of course I was intrigued by this term. What did it mean?
So I hopped on Urban Dictionary and found what is possibly to best definition of anything ever. 

F— boys (note: I have sanitized the language)
A**hole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for “pics” once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust. Boys like this will pretend to genuinely care about the girl but always fail to prove the supposed affection. He almost never makes plans because he has to hangout on his terms which could be the most whimsical of times, and if the girl rejects those plans because she has a legitimate reason for not being able to hang out, he will get pissed. However, if plans are made he will bail on them without a second thought.
If a girl tries to stand up to this a**hole he will most likely deny everything and turn it all around on the girl making it seem as though the conflict at stake is her fault and he has done nothing wrong and hates when girls bitch at him for “no reason.” He will always come crawling back because he is a horny prick and cannot withstand the dispossession of one of his baes, because he has more than one that’s for sure.
Texting such a boy will consist of the girl carrying the conversation and the guy responding with short answers 10 or more minutes after the girl’s response, but when she asks why he takes so long to answer it will be because he is “busy” but he promises he likes her. Boys like this are egotistical a**holes who cannot be trusted and are hard to get rid of because they say all the right things to get the girl back.

Tiffany: “He found me on Instagram and commented “hmu.” He’s hot, should I go for it?”
Stephanie: “No, he’s such a f—boy. Sleeps around and will screw you over.”

Does that definition feel like someone you used to (or are currently) dating? It’s okay, be honest. Well, I will confess:

“Hello. My name is Gigi and I have dated a f—boy.”

Let’s just let all of our defenses down. It took years of my life and actually years off of my dating life. And sometimes it’s so hard to spot F—boys because they can be masters of disguise. They come off sweet and caring. They seem like they’re genuinely interested in you. And they are…to an extent. Listen closely because I’m going to blow your mind now.

F—boys are interested in you as far as you enhance HIM. That’s the truth. 

A F—boy want you because it makes HIM feel good.
A F—boy wants you because of what you do for HIM.
A F—boy wants you because you make HIM look good.

Nothing more, nothing less. And even though your F—boy tells you that you’re “special”, you are not. When he leaves you, please believe that he will call/text the others; because there are always other girls in his harem.

And while you may get yourself to believe that he does add SOMETHING to your life, if you really think about it, your F—boy takes so much more than he will ever give – can ever give. Because, my dear, F—boys are empty vessels.

Underneath their charm and outward beauty is a deep pit of nothingness. They have no love, no real affection, no empathy, and certainly no regard for your well-being. They are corrupt and if you aren’t careful you will be too.

So how do you spot these disasters? Here are 5 ways to spot a F—boy:

1. They discuss sex early in your relationship
And I use the word “relationship” almost comically because F—boys are true relationship-phobes. Within your first conversation(s) they will attempt to be overly physical with you and/or discuss sex or make sexual jokes. And I know that sex jokes are funny (you know they just are), but a F—boy is immediately interested in gauging your reaction to the topic of sex. Entertain the topic, and they believe they have a sure bang (I mean thing). Ignore the topic, and they think they just have to work a little harder. I know, a catch 22. The best thing you can do is to address the situation head on. A F—boy will either become disinterested and fade away, or if you’re dealing with a Master F—boy, he will gear up for Phase 2 of the plan. This leads me to the next way to spot a F—boy.

2. They won’t commit
This may seem like an obvious “duh”. I mean if he doesn’t commit that’s obvious, right? No! You see, F—boys are very good at giving you false hope that the commitment is oh-so within your grasp. If you’d just give him “a little more time”, or “be patient” with him, or “think about how amazing things will be” when you two are finally together. You know you’ve heard that before. So if your guy is making excuse after excuse about when you’ll get together, be prepared, he’s probably a F—boy.

3. They discuss commitment very early in your relationship
What? I know. That contradicts everything I just wrote. But F—boys are crafty little bastards and they know what buttons to push in women ripen you for the picking. Some F—boys will avoid the topic of relationships with all of their might. Others, have evolved in the F—ery and know that most women want to feel secure before they give their man a taste of the goodies. The best way they do this is by implanting the suggestion that they are open to a relationship, and fast. But what you must understand is that most men, even the emotionally healthy ones, do not rush into relationships. Yes, there are some men who will, but the great majority will not. And if you find a guy who puts a relationship on the table very quickly, he is most likely trying to butter you before devouring you whole – relationship dreams and all! He is, my friend, a F—boy.

4. He reads a lot of texts when you are together
Yes, we live in the age of technology and that makes us in constant contact. But think about this: what man who is truly interested would pay attention to a text message instead of a sexy woman in front of him? Furthermore, who the hell is texting him that much? His mother? His friends? No, he’s a guy. And unless he’s a neurosurgeon checking on patients, no friends (male or female) text that much. He is receiving messages from other women who would be suspicious if he did not respond in a timely manner. So if he’s constantly checking his phone or reading his messages in your presence, ring the damn alarm, you’ve gone and found yourself a F—boy.

5. He fell asleep
This has to be the single most telling feature of a F—boy. There are only so many hours in a day, and consequently, he is not always able to account for his whereabouts. So what’s the one thing someone can say to account for lost time: “Oh, baby I fell asleep”. He will use this excuse for not calling, being unavailable late at night (when he’s with his other chick), or standing you up for a dinner date that you planned all week, and endured a Brazilian wax, AND PAID FOR A BABYSITTER! Sorry, ladies. Ish just got personal
Anyway, if you find yourself hearing this excuse one too many times, you are definitely with a F—boy. There is no amount of tired that will keep a man away from a woman he is really interested in. In one hand you have sleep. In the other hand you have sex. A man interested in you would duct tape his eyelids open to get some from you. UNLESS it’s no big deal because he’s getting it from someone(s) else. Right!

Well there you have it GIT Girls. The ways to spot a F—boy. I could list more ways to spot them, like they usually wear skinny jeans and are musicians (a story for another time), but I’ll just leave it to these 5 salient points.

Until then, Get It Together Girl!

Gigi xo


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *